Dear Wii...

I've spent a couple of blogs already talking about the complications and difficulties that have arisen with the Wii. Wii, I'm sorry for picking on you. You are too cute and happy to continue to criticize. This, dear Wii, is for you. Five revolutionary new game ideas for the Wii...and by "revolutionary", I mean "ridiculous".
Cletus 2K7
Ever get bored of youth and a positive outlook on life? Here's your chance to become everyone's favorite grizzled old man, Cletus. Use the Wiimote to shake your cane angrily at young whippersnappers in an effort to keep them off your lawn. That'll teach 'em!

Wii Ripoff
The world hasn't seen enough Wii-related accidents, so, to further the cause, we bring you a game that asks only for unbridled, furious swinging of your Wiimote -- the classic beloved carnival game, the strong man test. Just use your big rubber hammer to hit the target as hard as you can, and try to ring the bell. Wii injuries for all!

Wiishido Blade
This one is actually serious. Really. yes. I love Bushido Blade for the PSOne, and I want it back. Forget Red Steel with its broken swordplay. Let's see a game 100% focused on sword duels. Do you hear me, Square?! Make me feel like a badass.

The Rat
The Wii is essentially a stick, and what better to do with a stick than point! Play the witness to a murder who must navigate the prosecution of a big-cheese Mafia boss. Finger him in the lineup at the police station. Stand up dramatically in court and point at him with all your might! Make sure to use your Nunchuk to avoid "stray" bullets, though. Fat Ricky ain't happy whitchu.

Cocktail Partii

Navigate the governor's cocktail gala while shaking as many hands as possible, because hey, the more people you know, the more the governor's daughter/son will like you! Use your Wiimote to shake hands, adjusting your shake for each character you meet, but be careful with your Nunchuk! There's a full Martini in that hand! One spill onto Mrs. Eaglestaff's blouse could spell disaster.

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