2.22.2007

GameCube: No More Games. Still a Cube.

It's official as of today: Nintendo is no longer producing GameCube consoles. While normally this marks a big milestone in the ebb and flow of console generations, this may be more like a milepebble than a stone. I mean, the Wii plays GameCube games, and has GameCube controller ports. Plus, the Wii is not that much of a gigantic tech leap from the Cube. In other words, is there really a reason to keep your Cube and add it to your library of "classic" consoles? Well, no, but I present you with ten options for new GameCube uses:1) Gut it and eat ice cream out of it...and you thought nothing sweeter than Princess Peach could come out of your GameCube...
2) Ladies, use it as a handbag! It's fully capable of storing cosmetics, a wallet, cell phone, and keys. It might be noisy when you walk down the street, but, hey, live proud of your Cube!
3) Turn it into a flower pot. Grow a flower.
4) Take your friends' consoles and turn them into a speaker setup, with a speaker in each Cube.
5) Carve off the top and store your Wiimotes in it!
6) Make it a music box that plays the Mario theme. Bonus points for this.
7) Make a rubber cast of it, use it to make a giant icecube, then present it to rapper/actor Ice Cube. Hilarity ensues.
8) Use it as a lunchbox. Be envied by all.
9) Attach a chain to its handle, transforming it into a weapon of unmeasurable pain.
10) Pimp it out. Add sweet rims, neon, and platinum trim. Then use it as a gamer's ultimate pimp-cup.

Then again, you could just keep playing it, but you know you're going to give in and buy a Wii sooner or later. I mean, c'mon, Wii! It just sounds fun.

UPDATE: It's official, the original announcement, made by Perrin Kaplan, Nintendo VP of Marketing, Corporate Affairs, and dirty lies, was false. Nintendo confirmed today that they are still producing GameCubes. Whatever, you know you'd still rather use my ideas than not buy a Wii.

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